Why is self care so hard for women?

Alright men don't go running when you see this title because as important as it is for women to know how to have self care, you as boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers, grandfathers need to know how to support the women in your lives. I am just as guilty as other women when it comes to self care. I was first alerted of this when I stepped into the biggest job of my life. In that moment of my life I accepted a job while on maternity leave to take over being an Associate Dean of over 20 business colleges. No problem! I thought sure, I had a 2 year old and newborn, but it was remote so yeah, of course I can do this. Things started off with a downward spiral, not because of me, but because of the boss. No matter what I did, I was told daily I was worthless and I'd be fired soon. When I did my eight week checkup before I started this job I was super healthy recovering form a C-section. I went in 6 months later for a checkup and my doctor was shocked. I was losing my hair, I had dropped a ton of weight (not the healthy way), I was getting UT infections from sitting at my desk all hours of the day trying to prove to my boss I wasn't worthless and mentally I was not healthy.

Love this movie the perfect example of no self care

It took my doctor talking to me saying she was concerned I was going to have a heart attack with my blood pressure being so high. And by the way I was in my early 30s. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Julie you have to leave this job". I remember thinking I can't do that, I was the youngest person to get this job, I beat out everyone else. I was proving to everyone I could do the job and for some reason I thought it was ok to let someone verbally and mentally abuse me day in and day out. She was right, I was not healthy, physically or mentally. And it wasn't cause I had two little kids, they were the easy ones. I remember coming home asking my husband to take the day off from work cause I just needed to pull myself together. I could tell he was worried as well. I contemplated all these things and how I would look like a failure if I walked away from this job, how my boss would be right, that I couldn't handle it but that was all a lie. I was doing an amazing job and it took some of my colleagues calling me to tell me that. So I went to HR told them how I was being treated, told them I was quitting because of all the abuse I was not mentally healthy. I gave my notice and thought that was it. But they begged me not to leave and worked out a deal. It was in that moment that I realized that was not what I wanted to do and in hindsight if I hadn't had this happen I might not be where I am today. Big positions, big salaries don't mean you're successful. I learned that the hard way. I also learned that no job, and no position is worth risking my physical and mental health over it. And ladies' we are the biggest offenders of this. I learned I had to make time for me, sometimes it's just a pedicure, going to get a coffee, or reading a book, making time to relax. It is important!

I like to think I am superwomen but lets be real ladies that is far from the Truth. 

Ok men here is your part. Women naturally always take care of others first. And I do this too, for example I make dinner at least 6 days a week for the family where we sit at the table because I feel it is important to have family time, every morning I wake up and get everyone up, make breakfast for everyone, typically eggs, sausage, and toast because I really want everyone to start the day with a good breakfast. I make everyone's lunch and meal prep for everyone, and yeah that leaves me usually 15 min. to get ready before I take kids to school. If it's a business day, I am up at least by 5am to get myself all ready and then serve everyone else. And when it comes to schedules, once again I make sure everyone has their stuff covered, soooooo..... when do I get me time? Not often. I am very blessed to have a husband who gets this and always is encouraging me to take a break, go shopping, get a pedi, go hang with girlfriends. He is wiling to watch kids, help with homework and jump in whenever needed. I also know that is not like this for every woman. So guys who are reading this, if your the guy who just lets your wife do everything and sits back and does nothing, this is for you. Make sure you check on your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister or friends. Check on their health and mental wellness. If you see they are just never getting a break for themselves then jump in and encourage them to step away and refresh. It's a team effort when you are a couple and it goes both ways. And for the men who are doing this and rocking it, thank you for seeing the worth of the women in your lives. I find men typically don't have issues taking a break, it's us women who need to relax or go to an event, or a conference, or a concert. No matter what, if you don't get your health and mental wellness under control, you can't be 100% for your loved ones. 
 

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Stay strong, stay beautiful!
Your Authentic Friend,
Dr. Julie Ducharme
CEO