What is your Purpose?

What is Your Purpose?

I have actually had several chats with friends recently about this topic and I was reminded of my dissertation that I wrote that focused on why women were not excelling into senior leadership positions as fast as their male counterparts. I have to say I thought for sure when I did this study I would find what I thought was the case that the "Good Old Man's Club" was the reason women were not getting their due justice. But what I found was nothing close to that. Sure men had a little part of that but what I really found was that women were not moving into these leadership positions because they had families, children and were not sure if they could take on the position and balance it all. So very often, women turn down the big jobs until their kids get older. In fact, later in life, I did the exact same thing with my kids. I looked at big jobs and would think to myself, how much time do I have to be away from my family, so I would look at something different. I too contributed to the numbers I mentioned above. However, it got the point that I finally decided I was going to create my own success, my own business, my own rules, and my own schedule. 

The other aspect I researched with my dissertation was The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedman. What is really interesting in reading this book, is that women back in the '60s were going to college but despite being educated, they found their husbands and then became stay at homes wives/moms because that is what cultural norm was at the time and expected. 

But this perfect pictured women that culture had created was creating an identity crisis for women. Women started to have depression. They couldn't figure out why at first but eventually after studies were done, it was found that women felt they didn't have a purpose, they were missing something, because as enlighting as laundry, cleaning, and housework were suppose to be, women knew they had many more talents and passions they wanted to pursue but society was not making that an option for them. 

Women wanted more than just staying at home and taking care of the house and children. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, in fact, my mother said that it was her dream job and she took it very seriously, but at the same time my mother was very talented. She created her own business where she handmade crafts, blankets, etc. that she sold. She created a nonprofit to help kids in need and spent time passing out care packages to the homeless and knitting hats for women with cancer. So the stay at home job was not my mother's only purpose. 

When you are not getting to do more than just the laundry, cleaning, taking care of kids, often depression begins to set in, we feel a lack of worth and a lack in self-confidence. I have been told by several women they feel something is missing and they can't quite figure out what it is. But that is the same answer Betty Friedman got when she interviewed these women in the 60s. So one aspect of this rings true in all my research, it does not matter that 40 years after Betty figured this out, women are still feeling like their purpose is missing when they are not following their passion or investing in something that is important to them. 

How do we find balance in a world of taking care of children and our families? Well, people ask me all the time how do I balance life with family, 3 businesses, public speaking, and more? Let me share a few tips on how to balance so you can move to your authentic purpose.

Tips

Build your village!

As much as you think you can do this solo, you can't! You need support on all levels.

Calendar! 

Learn to keep an updated calendar and ditch the paper one. Get it on your phone, you can always check it, set up alerts for your meetings and reminders. Let that be your personal assistant. And having an updated calendar keeps you from double-booking yourself. 

You are human, give yourself a break! 

As much as we want to be Wonder Woman, we still have to make time for self-care for ourselves. So make sure you build in breaks so you can have that moment of quietness you need. 

Don't be a Yes, women! 

As women, we have a tendency to really say yes to everything. We hate to turn down people as we don't want to let them down. But you have to learn to say no, especially if it puts your balance way off. Evaluate opportunities as they come to you, see if they are moving you in the direction you want to go or away from it. You can't help others if you don't help yourself first. Sometimes it is ok to put you first. 

Live, Love, Laugh, and always be your authentic self. 

Dr. Julie Ducharme
www.drjulieducharme.com