Do moms really have to choose between their jobs or kids?

I am a business owner of three companies, a college professor, writer, coach, and public speaker. I am also married and have two beautiful children and an amazing husband. The one question I get all the time is "how do you do it?" How can you be a mom and do all of this? Which I bet you men rarely get the question of how do you work and be a dad. I have often as well been given the guilt talking to from women and men who say that I can't be a good mom and be great at the jobs that I have and I need to choose to do only one of them, which I find this to be totally ridiculous. Why do men get to go to work and be a dad but we (women) have to choose between the two? As a mom, I work to balance my jobs and my kids but sometimes I have to prioritize my job first. Why? Because this woman needs to make money to take care of all the needs of her children. I am a go-getter who believes in building a strong woman-owned business that gives me the financial freedom to do what I need and create an amazing fun-filled life for my family. Also, I feel this is part of who I am. Should I just stay home not work and not follow my passions? Can we as women have passions, jobs, and children? It seems to be the question that has been around for years and years.

I have worked hard to balance and be a part of what my kids do and still be present for my work. Every once in a while I miss a small event or have to be out of town and my children are cared for by my amazing husband, grandparents, friends or babysitters I have handpicked. They know mom has to work sometimes but they are still doing great, having fun, and loving life. I often will explain to my kid's, "mom has to work today so I can make money for us to do all those fun things you love to do." I work on helping my kids know that my work is part of what I do for them. I explain to them that all the camps, clubs, events, clothes, movies, etc... we do are because of the work I do. So sometimes mom's work is going to overlap with kid's time. Am I a normal mom, probably not! But having passions and dreams and having kids doesn't make me a bad mom, it makes me an accomplished one. Typically, if you are the dad you don't get harassed about all your hours at work and if you make play dates or show up for events. You get a big pat on the back and great job for being here but if you can't make it cause of work "no problem" nobody tells you to pick either work or kids.

I work hard to know my kids get it, cause I want them to know my work is so much more than work, it's helping people, women, and veterans. Helping people change their lives and make better lives for themselves. My daughter (who is 10) has started to realize this and will say mom it's so important people read your book, it will really help them. Or my son will say mom you do so much let me help you so you don't have to do it all (he is 7 by the way). When my kids see this I know they get it and I know they know I have boundless love for them. And my children and my work give me an amazing purpose in life. So do we as women have to choose work or children? No! You can have both. Don't let the guilt shamming get you and don't let people decide your fate and your path. Follow your passions and show your children that you can have passions, dreams and a family. In fact, you might just change the world and show your children life is about following your dreams not following the norm.

Live, Love, Laugh and be Authentically You,
Dr. Julie Ducharme