Big girls don't Cry!

This week I was reminded of one of the chapters in my Leading by my Ponytail book. It is called big girls don't cry. I had received a heartfelt letter from someone who read my latest book and was moved so much that so I started crying. I joked with my friends how I was becoming a sap as I got older. As I climbed my way up the ladder of success, I adapted the "act like a man, be like a man" mentality that meant don't be emotional, dress in black suits and do not cry. And I always saw this double standard when men leaders would tear up and cry, it would seen as endearing, but when women leaders cry they are considered weak. If men wear pink its trendy but if women wear pink they are not serious enough for the board room.


Years ago as I was in mentality of act like a man in the workplace we were watching a woman politician talk and she started to tear up and cry as she talked about something passionate to her and a few moments later I hear one of the men say "This is why we could never go to war with a women leading us, she would just let her emotions get in the way." As I sat there and took that in, I was so frustrated. I wanted to be me and being me didn't mean I was going to cry about everything but I wanted to have emotions and be real with people.

But because of this perception of weakness, I told myself I would never cry in public. If I cried it was in the shower where no one could see me, not my family, friends, or coworkers. I was not going to appear weak to anyone. My persona would be strong and worthy of being followed. Little did I know that never crying was not only unhealthy, but it was taking away from my essence as a woman. I was not created to behave like a man I needed to behave like me, a woman. I needed to embrace what made me a good leader which was emotional intelligence and more. Now I am not saying go to work and have a good cry. Please do not misunderstand my intentions here. As leaders, women do have to keep our emotions in check but we also have to use these emotions effectively, as emotions are often what makes us a unique gender.

Often people think if you see weakness in a leader it is a bad thing, but it actually humanizes you and helps you relate with those you lead. This connection helps to create a level of respect when those following you know you are a good leader. Those are signs of a good leader, not a weak leader.

We need more strong women out there and guess what? We also need broken women too. Why? Because we learn and grow from these experiences and by embracing our weakness, insecurities, and our brokenness, we will most likely become some of the best leaders, moms, and wives out there. It's ok to cry, it's ok to wear pink, and it's ok to embrace your femininity.

Live, love laugh and always be your authentic self!

Dr. Julie Ducharme